So drunk its hurt
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
