I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
