drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
