Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your cock deserves a montage
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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