Where is the hickey?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
