matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
