my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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