My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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