If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
