I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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