the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this just has baby written all over it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
