You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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