I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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