I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
