Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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