i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
