just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
