Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
