I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think i have two assholes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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