when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
