Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
