Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
