i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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