do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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