look no pants
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
