I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
