after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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