We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
