the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
