It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As shirtless as possible
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So much rum. So many feels.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
