i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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