Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
