So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
