We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
