is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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