I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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