Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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