I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
