I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
