I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
