i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
