That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
