so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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