This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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