just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
