It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
