You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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