Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
