That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
