There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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