In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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