apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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