home. puking in laundry basket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
