I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
