she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
