Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
