If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
