Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
