some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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