I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
