the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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