i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
