called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
