He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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