I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
