I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just forgot I was standing up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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