Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize