Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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