I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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