hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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