About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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